Category Archives: Uncategorized

Flyswatters for the budget conscious

Look at this. flyswatter

This is how you bring about the downfall of corporate America. You build your own flyswatter.
Home Depot told me I could buy two plastic flyswatters for $1.49, which sounded like a great deal until I realized that it would be a half hour round trip to get them. Who has that kind of time, when there are houseflies running around the house. Which is why I made this myself.

All it took was a coat hanger (of which every household seems to have a million), a glue gun (which every household should have because they are totally COOL), and the plastic paddle cut from the bottom of a container of cherries. In an emergency a container of strawberries will suffice.

Don’t forget to poke holes in the plastic. You need to make your flyswatter aerodynamic.


The evacuation of Williams Lake

Mom phoned last night as she was evacuating from Williams Lake.

“I’m a refugee!” she shouted and then wondered at the fool who was trying to merge in front of her, but wasn’t actually merging.  “What are you waiting for!”

She, along with everyone North of Williams Lake and everyone West of Williams Lake was barreling down the highway at the breakneck speed of three kilometers and hour. All roads South converged at “The Y,” which is shorthand for the  junction of Highways 97 and 20, on a steep hill in Williams Lake. All traffic running away from the fires had to go through this needle.

It was Rush Hour in the evacuation.

My mother sounded stressed, but mostly she sounded excited. Leave it to her to embrace the situation. The time of stress, worry, all of that was over. They were now in the middle of it, and they were ready. They had packed blankets, clothes, food and water, because they had no idea how long they had to drive.

It must have been a long night. They had to follow an Oregon Train of literally thousands of vehicles as it snakede past the 150 Mile fire, past the 108 Mile fire, past the Little Fort fire to safety and the Yellowhead Highway, 200 kilometres away.

Last night I went to bed, thinking, it’s probably gonna take them four hours to get there. I was wrong. It took them seven, with no gas stations or a single rest stop available.

When they got to Little Fort, everyone turned right, heading Kamloops. They were the only ones who turned left, going North while the traffic came South from Clearwater, under its own evac alert.

“No one stopped us,” she said, a little bit of awe in her voice. They kept driving North, while the sane British Columbians headed South and away from the fires.

This morning, she called from Blue River, where the smoke was so thick she couldn’t see the mountain slopes on the other side of the road. They caught two hours of sleep and now they’re heading to Edmonton, to their own little refugee camp at Marie’s, and there they will stay until they begin to smell like fish, before moving on to the next refugee camp in Rossland, then finally the one here in Coquitlam.


How Putin gamed America

If Donald Trump is in bed with the Russians, how come the Russians are letting their most valuable intelligence assett die an agonizing political death?

Russia has no interest in Donald Trump, and that should make you very nervous, because it means Vladimir Putin isn’t done  interfering in American politics and the destruction of Hillary Clinton is only phase one of Putin’s plans.

If it was true that Donald Trump was in bed with the Russians and worked with them to engineer an electoral victory, then he is literally the most valuable intelligence asset Russia has ever had. Indeed, Donald Trump would be the most valuable intelligence asset anyone has ever owned.

A relationship like the one suspected with Donald Trump is a once in a lifetime opportunity for the Russians. It’s a chance to have direct access to the inner deliberations of the most powerful office on Earth.

If that were true, you expect that the Russians would go to great pains to protect such an asset.

Except they aren’t. If anything, they’re making things worse.

If they cared about protecting Trump, what’s the likelihood that Comey would have been fired the day before a meeting with Russian officials? What’s the likelihood that embarrassing information about that meeting would get leaked? What’s the likelihood that Russia would have allowed Syria to so terribly embarrass Trump by gassing civilians just hours after he publicly said the US has no interest in directly ousting the Syrian regime.

It doesn’t add up. None of it. Russia’s end goal is not Trump’s protection and utilization as an asset. The only thing that makes sense is that the end goal is to turn Trump’s presidency into a constitutional crisis.

Russia isn’t interested in Trump. Russia is interested in destroying Trump.

Don’t buy it? Then answer this one thing. Why should the Russians care about Trump?

There are only two reasons why they would tilt an election in his favor. Either they have him in their pocket — which isn’t consistent with what’s actually happening — or else they hated Hillary. But does that really fit with Putin’s realpolitik attitude? Would he risk a global confrontation just to wreck her dreams of Clinton becoming President? Would he risk seeing a populist wildcard elected?

No. He wouldn’t risk it unless there was another shoe to drop.

Russia surely wanted to hurt Clinton, but that was a secondary goal. This had a little bit to do with her and everything else to do with America. Putin ultimately wants  to reduce American influence on the world stage, to throw it into such disarray that it recedes from the global theatre and concentrates on devouring its own entrails.

It looks to me like he’s succeeded. Here we stand, on the brink of the collapse of American Democracy, if only for a few weeks, but a collapse nonetheless. .

This is the tragedy. Not that Trump is incompetent as a President. But that the Russians have so masterfully manipulated the American mind that we now believe Trump is also treasonous.

Maybe Trump is all that, maybe his isn’t, but one thing is certain: the Russians don’t care about him. They care about destroying him.

Once that happens, once Russia reduces to rubble the foundations of both democratic parties, their triumph will be complete. There is now a wound in the side of America that will take years to heal. And it couldn’t have worked out better for Russia if they had planned it out in every detail

Remember when clowns were just hiding in the forest

Remember all the creepy clown sightings across America this summer?

Every day, someone was showing a picture on social media of something creeping out of the bushes with a wig and foam nose. It was all we could talk about.

And then, one day it was over, as if one of them became President and they were all like, “Can’t top that,” and bam it just stopped.

Trump signs Executive Order to renegotiate Rousseau’s Social Contract

trumpPresident Donald Trump signed an Executive Order today, indicating his intent to renegotiate Rousseau’s Social Contract.

“I want my social contract made in the USA,” he told a press conference this morning. “This Rousseau guy, he’s an idiot. A complete failure. You know he hasn’t even been to America. Not once. And I’ve been to France. Believe me, I’ve been to France.”

Although the social contract, which deals with specific fundamental agreements of conduct between the government and the people they govern, has been in force for centuries, Trump cited it as one of the reasons America has lost its way.

“It’s been a disaster for America. An absolute disaster.”

A negotiated social contract, Trump said, would be far more favourable for Americans.

“Everyone needs a job, right? And there are people out there without jobs. It breaks my heart. I mean it kills me. And someone said to me, Donald, what are you going to do about it? Well, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. This new social contract is gonna be huge. It’s gonna be the best social contract the world has ever seen and it’s going to get us all jobs, because the social contract will allow us to make it illegal to be unemployed.”

When several reporters pointed out that the social contract necessarily included basic human rights, Trump assured everyone that the new social contract would contain “the best rights, huge rights.”

Members of the Trump’s staff also cautioned that some of the existing rights would be upgraded to new rights.

“Alternative rights,” said Sean Spicer, Trump’s Press Secretary.

The law of the universe

Anything worth understanding is complicated. Easily obvious things are often not worth the time. Yet we vote for the people who make us think they can make us understand the nuances of a political argument in a five second soundbite.